AF MKE, a locally-based Instagram account dedicated to sharing resources for sober living in the Milwaukee area, started last summer when freelance writer Nicole N decided that she was going to make the resource she wished she could find. Since then, the account has grown to not only share alcohol-free menu and drink options throughout Milwaukee, but recently she co-hosted a group walk along the lakefront with Sober in the Brew City, and launched a non-alcoholic beverage pickup in partnership with Racine-based business Inmoxicated. With alcohol-free living trending upwards in recent years and among younger adults, AF MKE is making it more accessible in Brew City. I was able to meet with Nicole, the admin behind the account, and find out more about her sober journey.
Ever since the very first time she drank, Nicole always knew she would have to quit. With addiction in her family and two of her own alcohol-related hospitalizations, she knew it was only a matter of time before she would give up drinking for good. While in her senior year at UW-LaCrosse, that time finally came. The drinking culture and inconceivably cheap alcohol in LaCrosse made quitting difficult; she tried for about two years before it stuck. She tried to go out with friends and just not order drinks, she tried to quit for her family and partner, she successfully stopped drinking on weekdays, but none of those led to long-term success. “I had to want it for myself… in order for it to work,” she eventually realized.
Without professional help, and with very little support from the college, Nicole had to figure out for herself what sober living would look like. For the first few months, it looked like concentrating on school and making sure she was able to graduate after losing focus. A year into her sober journey, Nicole discovered sober communities online. It was here that she learned terms like sober-curious and harm-reduction – things she didn’t even know she was doing in the two years leading up to her quitting alcohol. The online AF community provided her with the needed validation and support for her journey. This month marks five years alcohol-free for Nicole.
Part of what made quitting at 22 so difficult was everyone else’s perception of drinking at that age. “Being young, people didn’t see it as a real problem,” she says, because “everyone else around me was doing the same thing, but it didn’t affect them the way it affected me.” While her peers would go out one night and wake up and go to class the next day, Nicole explained that she couldn’t go to class, and would have days of anxiety after a night of drinking. The singular piece of guidance Nicole offered during our discussion was to “Think about your intention.” Everybody’s reasons for drinking (or not drinking) are different, and the intention behind that choice could be an early indicator of the healthiness of the decision.
“When I quit drinking,” Nicole states, “I had no tools” for self-care. Her past addiction created a lot of shame, which affected her mental health and made it difficult to want to take care of herself. Since getting sober, she tells me, “Getting myself to a place where I feel like I deserve to focus on wellness has been a challenge.” Right now, wellness looks like managing anxiety and stress, eating enough, getting outside, seeing the sun, and being social. She cites the sober community and her partner as important factors in her overall well-being.
A few years into her soberish journey, Nicole attended two events hosted by the owners of the Instagram account Sober in The Brew City and realized the kind of community she experienced there was what she had been missing. AF MKE, Sober in the Brew City, and many others use the term ‘soberish’ to refer to their lifestyle. Popularized by Kayla Lyons in her book of the same name, the word refers to ways of alcohol-free living that do not necessarily align with the traditional 12-step AA sober prescription: people who use other substances like marijuana, SSRIs, microdosing, or just mostly avoid alcohol can use this more inclusive term. In general, AF MKE is not about teaching people how to be sober, or even soberish, but rather it is about sharing resources that make sober living more accessible, social, and enjoyable. “I just want to connect [people] with whatever it is that will help them on their own journey,” explains Nicole.
In the future, Nicole plans to continue coordinating events and casual meet-ups with organizations like Sober in the Brew City, because “I need it too,” she emphasizes. AF MKE will always remain a place for people to find out more about alcohol-free alternatives; Nicole has over three years of experience working with NA brands and freelance writing in the NA industry and loves sharing what she learns in those spaces with the community. She would also love for the account to become more collaborative – showcasing great drinks and menus throughout the city and sharing community stories. Currently, Nicole is the only one running the account, but “it isn’t about me,” she reiterates throughout our conversation. The account is not a business, brand affiliate, or income stream, but a passion project dedicated to creating more resources for sober living in one of the drunkest states in America, and holding space for its soberish citizens.
If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol or substance abuse, this Community Advocates list contains resources in the Milwaukee area and beyond.
